Have you ever felt ignored during a conversation? Have you felt like the other person doesn’t care about what you have to say? Like your opinions don’t matter and that you have been belittled? How does it make you feel? Angry and unamused is my guess. This all leads to ineffective communication.The consequences of which are misunderstandings, embarrassment, resentment, bad impressions, hatred, jealousy etc.

There is a reason why we have been given the power of speaking and expressing ourselves. It’s to effectively communicate with each other and help the world go round peacefully. I literally learnt what NOT to do and how NOT to behave while observing people who did these things. If you don’t like someone behaving a particular way towards you, you wouldn’t wanna make the other person feel the same.

Let’s look at some of the things which might help you communicate with others better.

1. Face

Keep your eyes on the other person. Your face can sell you out more quickly than anything else. Avoid smirking, laughing, sneering, scoffing, eye rolling and other expressions that might make you look arrogant, smug or judgmental.

2. Body language

Don’t cross your arms in front of another person. It might make you look defensive or angry or in disagreement. Don’t sit open-legged especially if you are a woman. That’s just nasty and ill-mannered. Also, it’s how men like to show off their power and exert dominance. (Dear men, please take notes. It’s not very nice really).

3. Tone

Your influence on a conversation is dictated by your tone. The louder it gets, the more it loses power. It’s funny how that works but yes. We are not talking about when the kids need a little scolding and you need to show them you’re the boss. No! This is general conversation. Also, don’t let it drop to a note where it looks like you’re mumbling. It will make you look timid and less self-confident. Or that you’re talking to a rat in your hat. (Ratatouille reference)

4. Attention

Keep your attention on the other person. Don’t doze off or daydream while someone is talking. That would just result in you asking them to repeat what they said or saying hmmm in response to a question.Trust me, no embarrassment compares to this one so save yourself some. (I wouldn’t blame you if you dozed off during musings about the economy, politics or geography). Don’t check your watch or phone every few minutes. Don’t obviously fixate on anything with a blank stare. It’s rude I tell you.

5. Audience

KNOW your audience. This firstly means you shouldn’t be vague or confusing. You shouldn’t use terms and words that only you understand. Don’t give examples or talk about things that are not relatable for the other person. If you are trying to get a message across, you won’t succeed until you explain it through a point of view THEY understand. {I am a teacher. You can see where this is coming from (eye roll)}. This can work well on spouses too. Like if you want to get a washing machine, instead of saying that it will make things easier for you; you can point out how your spouse won’t have to run to the laundry every few days. hehe. Trick them ladies. Trick them I say.

6. Attitude

When you listen to someone, really listen. Listen to understand and not to just reply. This aint ping pong people. Don’t interrupt no matter how angry or frustrated you’re getting at the other person. Don’t disregard their views or ideas bluntly. Always provide a sound argument in comparison. Present your views and leave it at that. You’ll know if they’re smart enough to accept them. Not agree with them maybe but just accept and respect them. Don’t persist with your arguments. Foolishly arguing with a fool will foolishly make you a foolish fool. 😀

7. Language

Avoid sarcasm and negative remarks. Making fun of a person will only let them cling onto their belief or view or idea even more strongly. Not because they think they are right. No! Just because you provoked their pride! Even If they want to take your opinion or agree with you, they wouldn’t now because of their provoked ego. So, never insult someone. (Unless they support Trump! Then you have my blessings). Also, do not suddenly change the topic. Make sure the other person has finished talking about whatever they were talking about.

These are some DON’Ts of the conversational world. There of course might be more, but these are the ones I have learnt to focus on. In my next article, I will talk about some of the DOs of the conversational world. Please look forward to it. Leave a comment below to add to the DON’Ts list or merely point out something you don’t agree with. (Not that I would accept it. I shall scowl at you, call you a fool in a loud tone, and walk away with my nose in the air with a certain hmph…..)

(I think I might need to read my article again)