Rule#3: LET GO.

Being on the same page with your spouse and staying connected (according to Rule#2) also requires to let go of everything that does not serve your relationship. By letting go of things that negatively affects your relationship with spouse, you make room for better and wonderful things.

1. Let go of stressing out:

We always have an endless list of things that burden our souls and worry us. The world will never stop showering us with challenges and negative experiences. The society is never gonna be merciful with its unreasonable demands; there will be always things that will progress very slowly and things that will not work out well. However, we can always find a way to minimize the stress, rise above it and not let it steal the best of us and eventually our relationships.

How:

Believe in your power and power of God. Stay focused on goals, brighter side of things and things you are grateful for. Take time to relax, de-stress and recharge. Let go of what does not serve us for the better.

2. Forgive your spouse:

When two people live under the same roof, disagreements and misunderstandings are inevitable. We might be head over heels in love with our spouses but they can still manage to annoy the senses out of us (that’s the kind of power they own). However the way you deal with these situations is your area of control.

Whether or not the petty discords rule your marriage and have the better of your relationship is your decision to make.

(It’s a recipe for unhappiness if you ask me.)

If we are going to get annoyed by a shampoo bottle left at the sink every single morning, dirty clothes dumped right next to the hamper every time then just think of how many precious moments you will waste feeling mad.

How:

• Develop tolerance through practice.
• If something of no major consequence upsets you, let it go. Will it matter in ten years to come? No? Let go.
• Is everything I do perfect? Do I never happen to annoy my spouse? Remember to do a quick self-reflection before you go off at your spouse.
• Try not to judge.
• Don’t nurture grudges over the years. They steal the positive energy from your relationship.
• If something your spouse has done or said continues to bother you or is of a major consequence, DISCUSS. Sometimes, they are clueless about the hole that is sucking you in.
• Absolutely NEVER go around talking bad about your spouse. Be it your mother, your friend, your mother in law or your brother.
• Don’t go around discussing your marital problems; always try to solve your matters among yourselves first. (Unless, you seriously need help)
• Always make up before you go to bed.
• Forgive, knowing that you yourself can use some forgiveness at times.

3. Let go of depending on others for your marriage:

Once married, you are the one responsible for your relationship. Do not depend on anyone to row your boat for you. No matter how sincere or experienced anybody else is, they just can’t play your role for you. They can’t decide for you which course the relationship should take, and make your decisions for you. Nobody is a better judge other than you for your relationship. Besides, what worked for others might not necessarily work for you as well.

There should be clear boundaries, protecting your relationship with spouse from the rest of the world.

Be aware of other people trying to run your relationship for you and constantly prying for details. Be it your grandparents or parents or in-laws or friends. Foreign interferences prove to take the balance away and causes unnecessary drama.

How:

Others will hand out sincere advice, but you get to decide which to keep and which to turn a deaf ear to. (It is always advisable to see where the adviser himself is standing in his relationship before you start following his footsteps.) Keep your marriage details to yourself, and do not put it out in open for public.

4. Make Time for fun.

Once you get caught up in the routine, life can become monotonous. Things start weighing you down and relationship gets into rut. It is very easy for the fun time with spouse to go out of the picture especially with kids in the scene. In addition to work stress, extended family demands and financial issues, the fun time with spouse takes a back seat. It is always a good idea to take a break and have some fun and come back to things with a fresh perspective.

How:

Plan a date night or two per month. Make it special. Hang out or may be just reconnect over a board game indoors. Let the grandparents watch the kids while you hang out with your spouse for couple hours or may be over a weekend. Do some fun things or shared projects every weekend. Take a vacation together. Keep budget for traveling and for fun activities with spouse.

Nobody is perfect. Not you, not me. We all err and fall short at times and despite knowing the best, we fail to follow through. But through practice and patience, the relationship with our partners can be renewed and kept alive. If it means that you will have a more blissful and a healthy relationship with your spouse at the end of the day, all of the effort is definitely worth it.

Do stop to share your thoughts in the comment section below.