“Just be yourself,” has to be one of the worst pieces of advice ever given. Especially to the young and naive brain. What does that mean? Can I be someone that I’m not? Who am I?
I have always been an impressionable person and as a child I would read a book and emulate the characters in it. I clearly remember wondering whether I wanted to be a picture of grace and elegance like the queen in the fantasy story I was reading, or did I wanted to be the bumbling, yet endearing, klutz, like the princess. I figured I had to make a decision; either practice restraint to be graceful or unapologetically embrace the clumsiness I had inherited. It was an either/or choice. But thankfully the thought passed, and there are days where I could be poised (a patient at the phlebotomist’s office called me a graceful butterfly). Then, there are also days,( Eid day specifically) where I have stumbled over my own two feet, knocked over a chair, and spilled an entire pot of home-cooked nihari on myself.
I was a spectrum but felt the need to define myself by one wavelength.
My mother still laments the loss of my brand new silk outfit, but I’m quick to remind her that I acquired my two left feet from her. However, as a child, like many of us, I saw personality traits and interests as dichotomous and felt compelled to make choices. Much like a personality quiz in a magazine claiming to know the real me. When my peers told me to be myself, I was pressured to choose. Quiet or loud? Manicures or video games? Introverted or extroverted? I was a spectrum but felt the need to define myself by one wavelength.
Our personalities and actions are shaped by a range of factors. From what is expected of us to what we expect of ourselves. We adapt based on our surroundings, mood, and privilege. There are certain traits that we are more inclined towards but that can be altered consciously or subconsciously. And because of that alteration you will often hear a disgruntled accusation of being “changed.” Well of course you have! And thank the Almighty for it! I would personally hate to have carried the biases and prejudices I had when I was twelve into my twenties.
Life is a learning process. We’re constantly discovering more about ourselves and the world. Through social media we have access to more viewpoints and more ideas to effect our perception. We are free to explore, expand and evolve our outlook and behavior.
“Do and say what you want to, in a way that makes you comfortable”
With this impermanence comes the freedom from defining personality in strict categories. And it takes time to be okay with that. I remember talking to my therapist about second guessing myself and hesitating to act in social situations and she said “Just be yourself,” and I automatically blurted out, “But what does that even mean?” She laughed understanding the vagueness behind the three simple words. “Do and say what you want to, in a way that makes you comfortable,” she elaborated. “Bearing in mind that others around you are just as nuanced.”
We are too complex to be pigeonholed by some quiz on buzzfeed and too fluid to be certain of ourselves for too long. Coke or pepsi quizzes are fun to take but it’s ok to answer C) both or D) none of the above or even E) I’m not sure right now.
So, what comes to your mind when somebody says ” Just be yourself”. Do let us know in the comment section below.
