The month of Valentine’s day is over. There was an avalanche of red roses, pink hearts and dark delicious chocolate. For someone who has been perpetually single, it wasn’t much different than the Valentines of past. And I have been single for a while. Like I-could-have-gone-back-to-school-and-gotten-another-degree while. Most of the time I’m fine with it. I preoccupy myself with work and hang out with my fellow single sisters, who are now few and far between. Most friends have moved away or are too busy or can only talk about their kids’ pediatrician visits. Amongst the single friends, we can still relate to each other and embrace our status. But society cannot.
Co-workers and random acquaintances love to comment on the strangeness of a statically single lady in her almost-thirties. Elderly women who used to wink and say, “You’re next!” at weddings now just sigh and shake their heads in befuddlement. Our generation’s news-feeds are brimming with engagement announcements, anniversary parties, and baby showers invites. Declarations of love are updated regularly with status changes and entire wedding albums. I understand when you’re overflowing with happiness you want to share it with the world and shout it from the rooftops! But with everyone constantly sharing their sweet moments of companionship, it takes up over 90% of the feed. It can be overwhelming.
Don’t get me wrong! I’m glad for my friends’ happiness. I chuckle at their dorky banter and like their engagement ring close-ups. But on bad days, it hurts. And these posts twist the knife in a little further. You begin to question if there’s something wrong with you as you watch some celebrity gush about their bae. You wonder if you’re even worthy at this point while reading how much fun Sarah and Hannah had on their double date. You doubt you’ll ever be loved as you furiously scroll past your ex’s honeymoon pictures. I’ve talked to so many girls who feel the same way and shrug as if to say, “It is what it is.” Many, like myself, understand that these pictures and posts are not aimed to hurt, and we are frustrated because they still do.
I realized if and when I am in a healthy relationship- and despite my doubts, I truly believe I will find happiness, single or otherwise- I do not want to cause pain to those who might still be vulnerable. I do not want to be the reason someone cries while scrolling through their Instagram feed or questions their worth. I need to understand that sometimes our celebrations and reasons for gratitude need to be kept private. Being a socially shy person from the get go, this notion wasn’t completely alien. And after discussing it with a friend we came up with the following pact:
Pact of Privacy Post Single-hood
Out of consideration for those who might be emotionally hurt by online displays of romantic relationships, I hereby agree to keep my companionship and other “life’s milestones” private from social media platforms. More specifically it means:
- I will not update my relationship status if it changes and refrain from posting any pictures regarding it, such as engagement rings or baby bumps.
- I will not post any wedding pictures. Those who matter will be present on the day and I can send pictures to those who ask privately.
- I will celebrate my anniversaries with the appropriate parties and turn off any automatic updates online.
- I will send any personal or romantic messages via text, email, or post-its and not on public platforms.
- I will not post any pictures with my significant other or of couple activities where the SO can be seen within shot.
- I will not put up quotes, reading material or any such nonsense about the bliss of companionship just because I’m feeling blissful.
- I will be considerate of others’ feelings before I share anything online.
- I will strive to be so happy and content in my own life that I will not feel the need to share and seek validation from other people.
Should I fail to comply to these terms, the assigned witness will have free reign to delete the infraction and/or post a cringe-worthy and unflattering post in retaliation.
