Being not much of a social person and preferring solitude, I am often judged by others about what I should be like. Numerous times have I been told to socialize more, be more open and mix with people etc. The list is endless. Yes people I am talking about the age old phenomenon of imposing on others.
Why do we impose?
Why do people impose their thoughts and experience on others? Does it really benefit? Do they really care about you, or is it just their ego talking? Is it about control? Questions of such nature keep popping in my head when I face such situations. I am certain that this pondering of mine has no absolute answer. It is an open-ended topic that leads to further revelations plus confusions.
To question the status quo of our societies does not mean we are better than them in some way or looking for ways to prove them wrong. We question situations to understand them better, to see their pros and cons, to explore their meanings and the impact they have on our lives.
With this questioning comes the floodgate of people’s personal thoughts, experiences, reasoning and logic. I have encountered many people who feel its their duty to impose their opinions on every aspect of your life. Nothing is free from their claim; be it your marriage partner, education, raising kids, or buying a house. You name it, and they will have something to say about it.
Love NEVER Imposes
What gets me the most is when it’s done in the name of love! What kind of love imposes on people? Is it love to shove your opinions down people’s throats? Not just that, but then heavily judge them if they don’t take your advice. I thought love was liberating. We certainly benefit from other people’s thoughts and experience, but it’s not eternal doom if you do other than what people think you should do.
What imposing actually breeds?
Imposing on others only breeds hatred, confusion, and create distances between one another. I have never heard a single person say, “Oh! I like you for intruding in my life.”
People who impose on others show that they have no regard for others’ needs or space. Even when the imposer has the best of intention, others may end up resenting him. Forcing your beliefs on someone actually sounds like “I am better than you in some way.”
What works for you may not work for others
In many cases what may have worked for you, might not work for someone else. In fact, your solution to a certain situation might actually end up making the situation worse for someone else. You really don’t want that guilt on your conscience. People should learn to respect each other’s decisions and choices.
It’s okay to “Agree to Disagree”.
Wouldn’t our lives be better, if instead of imposing on others, we allow more open dialogue, listen without being judgmental, respect differences of opinion and learn to accept others for who they are? Is this so hard to achieve in this day and age?
So,
If you do want to make a positive influence on others, let your action be louder than your words.
As James Lee Burke said, “We gain no wisdom by imposing our way on others.”
So, what do you think about imposing on others? Feel free to comment and share your thoughts on the matter.
This article was originally published on May 17, 2017 and has been updated on May 27, 2020.
