“It’s a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you’re hurt.”
― Tom Gates
Have you ever been hurt? I bet that your answer will be a definite “yes”. Well I haven’t met a single person in my life who has claimed otherwise. We all have been hurt in numerous ways, but I believe our hurt feelings sometimes get the better of us. They catch us at the most inopportune moment and throw us to the whirlwind. Our perception of reality not only gets blurred but distorted by it.
Can life be more tolerable without it? I guess we all ask ourselves that question, don’t we? I believe as with everything else in life, hurt feelings also have its unique place in the cycle of life. They are surely uninvited, but they provide opportunity for growth, reflection and healing. The question remains: How do we deal with them?
Let’s find out…
1. Acknowledge Your Pain
Sometimes the hardest part is not the pain, but to acknowledge that pain. It’s easy to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen. We are all guilty of it at one time or another, but there is no shame in admitting that you’re hurt. When your hurt, admit it to yourself, give it a voice and accept it. Once you have accepted it, you can take on the responsibility as what to do with it. Now it’s easier to understand and deal with.
2. Express Your Hurt
It’s essential to express your hurt feelings in-order to understand them. Most of the time it’s not the hurt feelings themselves that cause the problem, rather our habit of bottling it up.
Here are a few ways to express your hurt:
- Call a friend and vent.
- Write it out and burn it.
- Cry out. Crying helps a lot.
- Try writing in a journal. Writing journals helps to reflect later on.
- If possible, talk it out with the person who hurt you.
Getting everything out of your system will help you understand why you are hurting and what can be done.
3. Stop the Blame Game
When you are hurt, it’s always easy & befitting to blame the other party for your feelings. But sometimes, we are hurt because we ask for it. Maybe it was really our fault that made the other person retort from which we took offense. In reality, maybe that person was just trying to defend himself. We need to look over things and figure out who the victim really is in such situations. Once you are sure that the victim was really you, you can blame the other person. But wait, would that help? Sometimes people apologize for their words and actions but not all the time nor all of them. If they don’t, it might just intensify your hurt feelings. The end result is nothing but more agony.
You can consciously choose to stop playing the victim, and liberate yourself from the pain. Ask yourself, would you allow this person to control your happiness, or would you take the responsibility yourself? Your life is yours, so why let someone else take the charge. Be brave and take the rein back. Remember, if the person really cares, they will realize it and apologize and make sure it doesn’t happen again. If they don’t, well you got nothing to worry about. They sound like you’d be better off without them.
4. Let go
Once you have acknowledged and expressed your hurt feelings, you need to make the conscious choice and put the required effort to let go. At times after accepting that we are hurt, we keep ourselves locked in that pain. In order to stop living with the hurt, you have to let it go.
If you don’t let go, you keep revisiting your hurtful memories which results in reliving your pain; and you find yourself stuck in the same cycle over and over. Just remember that the choice will always be yours, so stop hindering yourself and let go.
5. Forgive
You may blame others for hurting you or causing you pain, but you don’t need to dwell on it. Dwelling only increases your misery. When you forgive, you essentially allow your own self to move on and heal. Forgiving allows you to embrace your shortcomings, while moving forward to create joy & peace for yourself.
“If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being.”
― James E. Faust
Feel like adding a point or an idea to our list? Go ahead and let us know in the comment section below. Love to hear your thoughts.
